The Chap's Tribune

Sunday, March 29, 2015

A Brief but Exhausting Two Years

Fog rises, it's dark, and getting darker, the smell of pistol smoke radiates through the air. He doesn't see anything but hears everything. Screams in the darkness, the troubling sound of Nazi gun fire, the rumble of mighty Panzers crushing the bones of American Solders, and countless mortars crashing only feet away, causing his ears to ring and toes to cringe. His hands are frostbitten; gripping a rifle was much different than stirring a scalding pot of stew. He cries out “Kenneth” but no answer. Where is his brother? Keith is terrified that the next body he trips over would reveal that sickening question. The thought of Kenneth was strengthening Keith's hands, eyes, and trigger finger. He was a machine and his one purpose in life was destroying as many Nazi scum as he could lay his sights on, in pursuit of finding his beloved brother alive and well. This was The Battle of the Bulge.

On 9 June 1943 Keith and Kenneth McDonald were drafted into the United States Army, 687th Field Artillery Battalion. Their training took place in the heat of the Oklahoma sun at Fort Sill. Getting drafted together wasn't a new surprise, because they had been doing things together since they were born, you see Keith and Kenny were identical twins. They were so similar their parents had trouble telling them apart and once they arrived at Fort Sill there was no difference in confusion of which twin was who. During formation one morning Kenny decided that sleep was a little more important than formation. So just as if they were back home fooling their old school teachers at, Keith filled in for both of them and none of the drill instructors were the wiser. They always made sure they had the others back. Being Privates in the army didn't change their occupations either; they were both bakers by trade, and the army only honed in on the twins skill to fill hungry bellies of starving soldiers. Kitchen work was not their only expertise. They could shoot the feathers off a Buffalo nickle from 300 meters, making them lethal weapons and prepared to take on the Nazi forces. Their hands could whip up any delicacy in the Paula Dean cookbook and handle a gun like Dirty Harry. The Twins were ready for whatever came their way or were they. February 12th 1944 they left America, Germany bound on a journey into the vast abyss of enemy territory.

The brother’s kept their feet steady and minds clear. Keith recalled making it to Normandy, France, ten days too late but not late enough. No words could explain the devastation that presented itself on the ravaged one thousand feet of death drenched sand. President Ronald Reagan depicted the destruction of Normandy best in his speech on the 40th anniversary of D-Day. He said: ''Two hundred and twenty-five came here. After two days of fighting, only ninety could still bear arms." Even with that horrible visual image instilled in his brain Keith still had the strength to keep trucking on, and being with his brother, his best friend, and his right hand man it made the journey easier. They depended on each other, not knowing that soon Keith would be defending his tag team title solo.

Keith had faith to overcome anything. During the Battle of the Bulge the twins were defending their lives against the Nazi onslaught. They were taken by surprise forced to retreat. After the smoke cleared and the ringing of tank fire stopped Keith realized he had lost his brother, they had been separated. Neither brother knew if the other was dead or alive. Keith’s love for his brother kept him trekking on with the faith of God that he would see his best friend once again. The 687th Field Artillery Battalion moved towards Paris, France en route for America.

Standing in a soup line with zero appetite and his mind racing like Sea biscuit, wishing he knew where his twin was; suddenly was bumped into by the silhouette of man with the same stature as him. As Keith stumbled to his feet, trying to get his bearing, and hearing a voice that sounded like a beautiful song. The brothers made eye contact with their mirroring images for the first time in eight months. The McDonald's were once again reunited overcoming WWII together and apart.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Chivalry Isn't Dead- Lesson #1: Table Etiquette

Chivalry: Many people define this word as a lost art of "Leave it To Beaver's" attempting to court a young lady in the 1950's. Many others believe that chivalry is a middle age style that only knights of the round table sweated out of their dragon slaylin', damsel savin', chain mail wearin' pours. A code of conduct you might call it. Men and women alike think chivalry is an entity of long ago that their grandparents considered to be a necessity.
Well I'm here to tell you Chivalry Isn't Dead. Here are some lessons that bring back an aged skill of treating a dame like lady and transforming a regular guy into a proper gentleman.

Lesson #1: Table Etiquette

I thought it was only fitting to start with something so simple yet tons of men fall short of how they should present themselves at a restaurant in the presence of a woman or even their best guy friends. Why is table etiquette so important? To be a gentleman you must first, act like said gent. No one on God's green earth needs to see you eating with your hands and telling your boys how smashed you got last night while at the dinner table.

Let's get down to nitty-gritty... here are a few, let me say that again a few things that will dazzle your in-laws, make your wife/girlfriend feel like an all-star, and intrigue the manliest of men at the dinner table.
Some of the points given would only be used at a classy place. Use your best judgment on what is considered to be a classy place.

Open the restaurant, cafe', bistro, pizzeria, pub etc. etc. door for your guest letting them enter first.

Hats should be taken off your head prior to entering the building. If you forget they must be off before sitting down at the table. We are not at your favorite baseball game! Nobody really needs to know you're a Yankee's fan. Exception: Going to a bar and your soul purpose is to watch the game.

Always pull out chairs for ladies. This is really old school, but it shows again you want to put them before yourself.

If you're meeting someone at a restaurant and have been seated prior to your guest arrival it should be common courtesy to stand and greet them when they arrive.

Within the first minutes of sitting down place your napkin in your lap.

Do not tuck the napkin or table cloth in your shirt like a bib. We are not two.

Never put your elbows on the table.

Put your phone on silent or if you are expecting an important call keep it on vibrate.

Do not answer your phone at the table.

Always ask to be excused if you need to leave the table. ie.( take a call, use the restroom, leave, etc.)

Always try to eat with the correct utensils. If you are unsure about what to use move from outside to in.

Bring the food to your mouth not your mouth to your food. Nobody needs to see you bent over your food like a neanderthal that hasn't eaten in days or like Ralphie's little pig brother from the Christmas Story, smashing his face into mashed potatoes.

Cut food prior to eating it. Don't try and stick an entire hot dog down your throat like Kobayashi. It's not a competition.

Remember to use both a spoon and fork while eating pastas.

Slurping is unnecessary. The chef does not need to hear you in the kitchen.

Keep the alcoholic drinks to a minimum. No need to get sloshed at a classy restaurant.

Don't have unprofessional conversations at the table. This might sound like a no-brainer but next thing you know you've had one to many and you're talking about one night stands and bowel movements.

Place silverware in correct position on plate once you have finished. Here are three examples on how to do so.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

How-To Drink Scotch Like a Gent

This is a 11 step breakdown on how-to take your first drink of scotch whisky. This is all my interpretation of how I, as a lover of the most delicious golden nectar thinks someone should enjoy their first drink of scotch whisky.
One thing I hate more than seeing a baby get punched in the mouth is the sound of tons of ice hitting the bottom of the glass. Adding ice to scotch not only adds to much water inconsistently, but, it also takes the wonderful aroma away and stifles your taste buds. If need the drink to be ice cold you should use whisky rocks instead of ice. Legend goes that the first whisky rocks were done by using the rocks cooled by the rivers and creeks in Scotland.

Do Don't

Make sure you choose the correct drinking glass. The glass of choice is one with a bulbous bottom and a narrow top. A glass you're able to nose correctly. This glass is referred to as a Copita. I use a Glencairn glass. Now to the drinking.

1. Pour Scotch whisky neat. The word Neat is a term used for a two finger measurement of liquor.

2. Smell the Scotch in its original state. Look at the Scotch and analyze it.

3. Add COLD water. Make sure the water is cold by using your finger to test the temp. Also only use a splash at a time

5. Stir the Scotch with the flick of your wrist in spinning motion.

5. Smell the Scotch just with the left nostril

6. Smell it again with the right nostril

7. Use your full nose and smell the delicious fragrance.

8. Take your first drink.

9. Swish around the Scotch on your palate like mouth wash for ruffly 5 seconds.

10. Swallow and breath in deep through your nose and mouth and hold for about 5 seconds.

11. Exhale. Now prepare yourself for the punch of flavor received as the Scotch starts working its magic from your stomach all the way to the tip of your tongue.

I hope you enjoy. Cheers!

All of the wonderful pictures on this post of The Chap's Tribune were taken by my amazing wife Hope. Check her out on hopemcphoto.blogspot.com

Thursday, January 29, 2015

50 Manliest Movies Ever Made

Through the strands of time men of all ages have been baffled, intrigued, and amazed by the manliness that many actors radiate on the big screen.

This isn't your wife's sappy Nicholas Sparks cry fest! This is a list of the manliest warriors, barbarians, brawlers, gangsters, gun slinging outlaws, and slobber-knocking Nazi killing bad boys that have ever graced gentlemen alike on the silver screen. Many of us awe at the site of a character leaping into a sword fight against ten other hombres and emerging unharmed, or facing a militia of machine gun blasting samurais with a rag tag bunch of good ole' boys wielding single action sling shots and prevailing.

The is the list of the fifty manliest guy movies ever tobbacy spat onto film. Prepare yourself for the testosterone you're about to devour.

The movies on this list are in no particular order, nor can I take any credit of the pictures on this post of The Chap's Tribune